5 Things (aka What Pissed Me Off This Week)

1. My finicky M. Worse than a woman, the M on my keyboard needs to be fondled in just such a way or else you can forget about getting anywhere with it. Buy it a nice dinner, be nice to its mother, it won't matter. Only when tapped at a certain angle during a waxing moon on the second Thursday of the month will this fucker work. I am left with a calendar, a protractor and a myriad of M-less correspondence. And for that I say screw you, M.

2. Football. Really people, it's a fun game but HOLY SHIT. Painting your faces, dressing up in your team's colors, violently supporting your faves by providing statistics and direct references. There's another name for people who do that. Comic-Con. If you discussed Star Trek with the same passion and fervor you did football, you'd kick your own ass.

3. The layman's political soapbox. Most likely, your information is secondhand regurgitated bobkes and very often wrong. It's nice when people care about the world around them, but it's a colossal waste of time when you're just mindlessly repeating what you overheard at the water cooler or read on the Fox News crawler. Think before you forward that email. Stop contributing to the rumor mill. And hey here's an idea, unless you're going to actually do something about it, stfu.

4. The 'just browsing' shopper. You know the one. The one that leaves their cart in the middle of the aisle and then body blocks you while they peruse the items on the shelf as if they were window shopping. The one you get stuck behind that walks so slow your milk expires before you even check out. And they of course show no intention of interrupting their shopping groove for you or anyone else. It's nice to know you have all the time in the world lady, but either move your ass or shove the cart up it. In other words, GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY. The aisle should work like a street: two lanes, two directions. And don't forget which side is yours. This ain't Europe.

5. People who still think it's cool to brag about drinking. Alcohol is to Generation Next what acid was to the Sixties: the cornerstone of a self-aggrandized counterculture engineered to demonstrate apathy and disillusionment. And with the advent of social networks, now we all get to hear about it. Tied one on? Got hammered? Had a bad day so you had an extra glass or two of wine (teehee!)? You're such a rebel! No you're not. You're a putz that still thinks it's cool to brag about drinking. Let me offer some perspective: if you're Joe Scmho in a dirty watering hole at 3:30pm on a Tuesday you're a pathetic loser, but if you're Twittering about how drunk you got after your third raspberry wine cooler... well, you're a pathetic loser. Now start bragging about more important things like how many piercings you have or how many pairs of Converse you own.   

And that's what pissed me off this week.


The Great Cable Debacle

Ok, so what's the deal with Fox not being broadcast on Cablevision? This is the second time (that I'm aware of, anyway) that Cablevision has essentially held us hostage through our viewing habits. Fox 5 and My9 are asking for more money? So give it to them! You have more money than God - funneled directly out of our ever shrinking pockets mind you - and that money sure as hell ain't paying for better service on our end.

But that of course is coming from the biased point of view of a disgruntled Cablevision customer. Who's really to blame here? Is it Fox's greed? Maybe the two involved parties are in kahootz and just putting on an elaborate show. I mean, check out these attack adds they're putting out, the likes of usually reserved for political campaigns:

Verizon Approves This Message

Courtesy nj.com:
The two companies received chastising letters Friday from the Federal Communications Commission, which asked each to show evidence they are negotiating in "good faith" and making efforts to reach a deal over the fee dispute — or that the other side is not.

At issue is Fox’s demand that Cablevision pay a $150 million fee — more than twice what the cable company had been paying — to air Fox programming.
FCC officials told the companies to conclude their negotiations promptly for the sake of "millions of innocent customers." 

Uh huh. Riiight. One thing AngryGrrl learned long ago is that the media reports what the media thinks we should or shouldn't be privy to. These phony battles ain't fooling me. The Almighty Dollar has reared its ugly head yet again, and we get left with the static. So what can we do? Probably nothing. But maybe we can be heard. Check out this protest movement started by a friend of mine. It's easy to join and it may very well make an impact. At the very least, you won't have to watch those goddamn annoying commercials.

Whatever You Say

The careless slinging around of the word "whatever" is something I feel strongly about. Although a well-executed whatever can be very effective at times, a real, passionate argument is not one of them. In fact, if you use said word during any portion of an argument, you've already lost in my mind. I love a good argument, but that's only because I'm good at them. You got something to say? Bring it. I'll lovingly tie on my gloves and put my mouthguard in place. But nothing's worse than fighting out of your weight class, and the lightweight of the argument ring is the whatever-er. It can come out at any time, not always apropos to anything. So here, for your viewing pleasure, is a list of the different kinds of whatever's I've encountered.

The Jab 
Like Hyde from That 70's Show knows, this is a completely ambiguous statement that is hard to read. Where a simple yes or no would suffice, you get this middle of the road annoyance. 

AngryGrrl: "You want eggs?" 
Loser: "Whatever." 
AngryGrrl: "Huh?" 

The Sucker Punch
Possibly linked to Tourette's, this is similar to the jab but even more out of context. It's spontaneously injected into an otherwise genial conversation, leaving you slightly dazed.

Loser: "Have you seen my wallet?"
AngryGrrl: "I put it on your desk."
Loser: "Whatever."
AngrryGrrl: "Huh?"

The Haymaker
A favorite of the passive-aggressive, this whatever is strategically used to divert attention from the issue and buy some excuse-making time. Sometimes referred to as the Where's a Twix When You Need It Whatever. Like the commercial, it's used to buy a moment to 'chew it over'. It's not exactly an admission, it's not exactly a denial, it's a mere dismissal of your very existence.

AngryGrrl: "Who is this girl you've been talking to?"
Loser: "I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't been talking to anyone."
AngryGrrl: "She called and left three messages for you."
Loser: "Whatever."
AngryGrrl: "Chew on this, asshole."

The Rope a Dope
This is when there is no brain activity whatsoever but a response of some type is
In this corner...
needed, so they whip this bad boy out to fill in the awkward silence.

AngryGrrl: "It looks like crude oil is going up another $50 a barrel. Don't you think
it's time we look to alternative fuel sources?
Loser: "..."
AngryGrrl: "Ooook. Do you have a better idea?"
Loser: "Whatever."
AngryGrrl: *sigh*

The Glass Jaw
When it's just too easy.

AngryGrrl: "You're such a loser."
Loser: "Whatever."

Can't argue with that.