10.24.2010

The Great Cable Debacle

Ok, so what's the deal with Fox not being broadcast on Cablevision? This is the second time (that I'm aware of, anyway) that Cablevision has essentially held us hostage through our viewing habits. Fox 5 and My9 are asking for more money? So give it to them! You have more money than God - funneled directly out of our ever shrinking pockets mind you - and that money sure as hell ain't paying for better service on our end.

But that of course is coming from the biased point of view of a disgruntled Cablevision customer. Who's really to blame here? Is it Fox's greed? Maybe the two involved parties are in kahootz and just putting on an elaborate show. I mean, check out these attack adds they're putting out, the likes of usually reserved for political campaigns:

Verizon Approves This Message


Courtesy nj.com:
The two companies received chastising letters Friday from the Federal Communications Commission, which asked each to show evidence they are negotiating in "good faith" and making efforts to reach a deal over the fee dispute — or that the other side is not.

At issue is Fox’s demand that Cablevision pay a $150 million fee — more than twice what the cable company had been paying — to air Fox programming.
FCC officials told the companies to conclude their negotiations promptly for the sake of "millions of innocent customers." 

Uh huh. Riiight. One thing AngryGrrl learned long ago is that the media reports what the media thinks we should or shouldn't be privy to. These phony battles ain't fooling me. The Almighty Dollar has reared its ugly head yet again, and we get left with the static. So what can we do? Probably nothing. But maybe we can be heard. Check out this protest movement started by a friend of mine. It's easy to join and it may very well make an impact. At the very least, you won't have to watch those goddamn annoying commercials.

Whatever You Say

The careless slinging around of the word "whatever" is something I feel strongly about. Although a well-executed whatever can be very effective at times, a real, passionate argument is not one of them. In fact, if you use said word during any portion of an argument, you've already lost in my mind. I love a good argument, but that's only because I'm good at them. You got something to say? Bring it. I'll lovingly tie on my gloves and put my mouthguard in place. But nothing's worse than fighting out of your weight class, and the lightweight of the argument ring is the whatever-er. It can come out at any time, not always apropos to anything. So here, for your viewing pleasure, is a list of the different kinds of whatever's I've encountered.

The Jab 
Like Hyde from That 70's Show knows, this is a completely ambiguous statement that is hard to read. Where a simple yes or no would suffice, you get this middle of the road annoyance. 

AngryGrrl: "You want eggs?" 
Loser: "Whatever." 
AngryGrrl: "Huh?" 


The Sucker Punch
Possibly linked to Tourette's, this is similar to the jab but even more out of context. It's spontaneously injected into an otherwise genial conversation, leaving you slightly dazed.

Loser: "Have you seen my wallet?"
AngryGrrl: "I put it on your desk."
Loser: "Whatever."
AngrryGrrl: "Huh?"


The Haymaker
A favorite of the passive-aggressive, this whatever is strategically used to divert attention from the issue and buy some excuse-making time. Sometimes referred to as the Where's a Twix When You Need It Whatever. Like the commercial, it's used to buy a moment to 'chew it over'. It's not exactly an admission, it's not exactly a denial, it's a mere dismissal of your very existence.

AngryGrrl: "Who is this girl you've been talking to?"
Loser: "I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't been talking to anyone."
AngryGrrl: "She called and left three messages for you."
Loser: "Whatever."
AngryGrrl: "Chew on this, asshole."


The Rope a Dope
This is when there is no brain activity whatsoever but a response of some type is
In this corner...
needed, so they whip this bad boy out to fill in the awkward silence.

AngryGrrl: "It looks like crude oil is going up another $50 a barrel. Don't you think
it's time we look to alternative fuel sources?
Loser: "..."
AngryGrrl: "Ooook. Do you have a better idea?"
Loser: "Whatever."
AngryGrrl: *sigh*


The Glass Jaw
When it's just too easy.

AngryGrrl: "You're such a loser."
Loser: "Whatever."

Can't argue with that.

10.06.2010

10 Things to Do If You Absolutely, Positively Do Not Want to Date Me

1. Play World of Warcraft. A lot.

2. Treat me like I'm your mother. Go ahead, leave your dirty socks and underwear laying around. Leave the dirty dishes for me to wash. And then go find someone else to work out your Oedipal issues on.

3. Blame me for everything. Tell your friends "the boss" or "the warden" won't let you go out, when really you're just too busy sitting on the couch watching TV with your hand in your sweats a lá Al Bundy. Tell me my cooking is the reason you sharted in your pants. Tell me I'm responsible for your sad, sad life.

4. Be a slob. Leave your toenail clippings on the table, leave the toilet unflushed, or do that nifty little man-trick where you cover one nostril and blow the other one in the shower. That's hot.

5. Let your ego write checks your body can't cash. The vibrator was the fifth domestic appliance to be electrified for a reason.

6. Stalk me. Leave a million messages and emails. Flood my Facebook with endless comments. Google me. I'll get the cc on how pathetic you are.

7. Lie. Sadly, this eliminates at least 2/3 of the dating pool.

8. Snore. Not just regular snoring, ├╝bersnoring. Snoring that deserves its own train schedule. Snoring so loud that I'll still hear it through the pillow I press against your face while you sleep.


9. Embrace your inner caveman. Become one with your nose hair. Let your eyebrow grow until it covers your bald spot. But be warned: men's lack of basic grooming skills is an open invitation for women to do the same. Now make nice with the Bic before we all look like a bunch of sheepdogs.

10. Cheat on me. Hell hath no fury like Lorena Bobbit.