Whatever You Say

The careless slinging around of the word "whatever" is something I feel strongly about. Although a well-executed whatever can be very effective at times, a real, passionate argument is not one of them. In fact, if you use said word during any portion of an argument, you've already lost in my mind. I love a good argument, but that's only because I'm good at them. You got something to say? Bring it. I'll lovingly tie on my gloves and put my mouthguard in place. But nothing's worse than fighting out of your weight class, and the lightweight of the argument ring is the whatever-er. It can come out at any time, not always apropos to anything. So here, for your viewing pleasure, is a list of the different kinds of whatever's I've encountered.

The Jab 

Like Hyde from That 70's Show knows, this is a completely ambiguous statement that is hard to read. Where a simple yes or no would suffice, you get this middle of the road annoyance. 

AngryGrrl: "You want eggs?" 

Loser: "Whatever." 

AngryGrrl: "Huh?" 

The Sucker Punch
Possibly linked to Tourette's, this is similar to the jab but even more out of context. It's spontaneously injected into an otherwise genial conversation, leaving you slightly dazed.

Loser: "Have you seen my wallet?"
AngryGrrl: "I put it on your desk."
Loser: "Whatever."
AngrryGrrl: "Huh?"


The Haymaker
A favorite of the passive-aggressive, this whatever is strategically used to divert attention from the issue and buy some excuse-making time. Sometimes referred to as the Where's a Twix When You Need It Whatever. Like the commercial, it's used to buy a moment to 'chew it over'. It's not exactly an admission, it's not exactly a denial, it's a mere dismissal of your very existence.

AngryGrrl: "Who is this girl you've been talking to?"
Loser: "I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't been talking to anyone."
AngryGrrl: "She called and left three messages for you."
Loser: "Whatever."
AngryGrrl: "Chew on this, asshole."


The Rope a Dope
This is when there is no brain activity whatsoever but a response of some type is

In this corner...

needed, so they whip this bad boy out to fill in the awkward silence.

AngryGrrl: "It looks like crude oil is going up another $50 a barrel. Don't you think
it's time we look to alternative fuel sources?
Loser: "..."
AngryGrrl: "Ooook. Do you have a better idea?"
Loser: "Whatever."
AngryGrrl: *sigh*


The Glass Jaw
When it's just too easy.

AngryGrrl: "You're such a loser."
Loser: "Whatever."

Can't argue with that.